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Dec Knott's Landing
31-12-2017
Advent calendars are the work of the devil. There is a new advent idea for everyone this year. They are a month long breakfast chocolate binge designed to hype up over-tired children to get them out of the house in time for school at the end of the longest term; sound's lovely doesn't it! I'm probably grumpy because no-one chose to buy me the gin advent calendar I have been eyeing longingly for the last few months. A shot of gin every morning sounds like the perfect start to a Monday morning. Everyone would leave the house in a gloriously relaxed state! My friend suggested just swigging gin from the bottle each morning but I fear even I could not get away with claiming it is just mouthwash as I stand in the playground.

I recently saw a cheese advent calendar in a supermarket but dismissed this instantly as ridiculous because it needs to be in the refrigerator and we all know, advent calendars sit on the mantelpiece or somewhere in the hall. What sane human would eat a piece of warm cheese that has sat above the radiator for a few weeks? Not me!

I have also heard tell of a pork scratching advent calendar which sounds good in theory. I have yet to see it executed so I am withholding judgement. I fear the packets will be micro-morsels.

We shall not discuss the hideous brick system advent calendars that cost 25 EACH! I love my child dearly but he can go whistle for an advent calendar costing as much as that. Teenage girls who follow the vlogger Zoella can also do one if they think they are getting a 60 advent calendar that only has 12 doors!!!!! Just 12... ZOELLA, ADVENT IS THE 24 DAYS LEADING UP TO CHRISTMAS - YOU NUMPTY.

No, the best advent calendar I have seen so far is the Dadvent calendar idea from some guy on YouTube. He went out and bought a catering pack of Scampi flavour fries... 24 on a card, just like you see at the pub. The perfect number for advent, packaged in a simple, eco-friendly way and containing proper sized packets of scampi flavour snacks... I have seen the future and for once the chaps are right, Dadvent is where it's at.             

Helen Knott

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