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January Knott's Landing
09-01-2018

Hello January, the dullest month of the year. When people stop drinking, at least one person will bore you with how they've gone vegan and we all pay for the fitness industry in one way or another.

Not-Fit-BitI have to confess, I'm now a member of the activity tracker community. Santa Claus kindly dropped off a small silicon band that can measure my heart rate, step count and sleep hours and I love it. My plastic joy-bangle came from China because you can't wear the well-known ones in the water. Not great if you teach swimming to babies and need a watch in the pool to do something retro like tell the time. My enthusiasm for my gadget was vast but it has been tempered by events.

Christmas day there was a lot of trauma because the app on my phone wouldn't hook up to the wristband and Mr Helen was engaged in a lengthy battle to fight the hoards of people all trying to log on at once. 

Clearly it was a popular Christmas gift. We finally managed it at about 9pm and I finished the day with precisely no steps recorded. It's all uphill from there!

I instantly became addicted to checking up on my heart rate (I vowed to lower it) and my step count (we shall not speak of my sedentary lifestyle). Mr Helen then started expressing a hereto unseen level of interest in my data, I thought it sweet of him to be interested in my health and wellbeing but it quickly became apparent that his interest was because it was insupportable to him that I should have a level of tech in my life superior to his. Two days later a package from China arrived. He was hooked up within seconds and lo, we could count our steps together darling!

In a magazine fairy-tale we would use our gadgets for good, hook up our accounts and have a daily, sunshine filled competition to see who can do the most steps and how low we can get our heart rates through meditation. We don't live in fairyland! We appear to have turned to the dark side. In the last few weeks we have been watching to see how badly a bottle of red affects us; how high we can get our respective heart rates on a quiet evening when the child is on a play date (Oh come on, you remember Desperate Housewives? Gabriella Solis used play date's for nothing else!); whether we can increase our step count by clapping; whether having a poo is visible on your heart rate monitor and how much eating a spicy curry can push that spike. A good hot one can send you into the workout zone for a good few hours it turns out!

As a result, January has not been dull at all!

Helen Knott

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